Reaching the Fourth "R": Schools and Classrooms can make all the difference

Healing Trauma in the Classroom 

I am very excited to bring you my first guest blog. In full disclosure, I met Cathy Anther-Fialon, at a webcast on a seminar regarding building trauma informed communities. It won't be hard for you to understand that we immediately hit it off. Up until that point I had been working in my community, primarily isolated and the progress was slow. After out interaction, we have been able to move our community forward, together at a more rampant pace, which is good for my own mental health and well-being. 

Schools teach. Schools teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. But what happens when a child can’t learn what is taught? What can a teacher do with a child who can’t learn? Classrooms have steadily been growing. In these larger classrooms of 25+ it is nearly impossible for a teacher to dedicate the individual attention a student in distress may need.

But why wouldn’t a child be capable of learning? When a people experience adversity or toxic stress their brain, in an effort to be protective, signals the body to fight, flight, freeze or submit. This is a life saving response when confronted with immediate danger like an angry bear while out hiking on a trail.

In childhood if the adversity or toxic stress is within the family or immediate environment the brain acts just like there is an angry bear present. The child’s brain goes into its evolutionary fight, flight, and freeze mode. In childhood the brain experiences a period of unparalleled growth and development, which means the brain, can actually develop in a way that fight, flight, freeze or submit become the programmed response. When a brain is responding to danger in fight, flight, or freeze mode other parts of the brain actually shut down.

When danger is present, the brain does not take time to strategize, access executive level functioning, or consider options. Also, under these conditions the brain signals the body to release hormones to aid in the danger response. These chemicals bathe every cell in the body, priming them to respond to danger. They impact hunger and digestion. They impact eyesight and smell. The body becomes hyper- vigilant.  Now imagine, if a brain develops under these conditions to the point that these conditions become the brain’s norm. These children cannot learn, because a brain experiencing danger is not in the position to learn new information- organizing and interpreting the new information with executive functioning skills. The brain is instead stuck in a mode of constantly scanning the environment for the next threat. This trauma brain syndrome is experienced by millions of children in classrooms across the country every day.

There are two solutions to help children learn and escape the negative impacts of trauma brain syndrome. The first solution is prevention. Prevent childhood adversity. Prevent childhood trauma. However, many times the adversity is not preventable or the risk of adverse circumstances is not known to those who can offer support to prevent. The second solution is to build resilience (The Fourth “R”) Help children reach a place of resilience. According to a leading researcher Emily Werner (1995), resilience is the ability to achieve positive life outcomes despite risk and the ability to rebound from adversity with strength. Harvard’s Center of the Developing Child Supportive Relationships and Active Skill-Building Strengthen the Foundations of Resilience (2015), details how resilience is built in children.

To reach resilience a child needs one, not two or three, but only one, positive, stable, adult relationship. Only one. There are other factors which contribute to resilience, but the most important and most successful is for a child to have access to one, positive, stable, adult relationship.  This adult relationship does not have to be a parent. It can be any adult.

Reaching the fourth R- resilience can be accomplished at school. How can a teacher, with an over-crowded class, be the stable, positive adult relationship for each child? How can an overburdened teacher offer the kind of personal relationship needed? It doesn’t have to be the teacher. The connection can be offered by a classroom volunteer, a bus driver, a cafeteria staff person, any adult in the school environment.

The adult needs to be consistent, positive, and needs to regularly reach out to listen to the child and share conversation with the child. So, with dwindling budgets, over-crowded classrooms, low staff salaries, what if school staff can’t dedicate enough time to develop a positive, stable relationship with every single child? The solution begins with the community.

Schools offer opportunity for community members to volunteer, in fact, they welcome volunteers. Helping children reach resilience prepares them to weather any kind of adversity they may experience. It allows a child to avoid the negative impacts of a trauma brain and have the ability to learn. A resilient brain can access executive functioning. A child with the ability to learn has a greater possibility of becoming a healthy, happy, productive adult adding to the greater community in a positive way.

I offer a thank you to all of the school staff across the nation dedicated to helping children reach resilience. Thank you to all of the school volunteers. You do make a difference. Your time and energy is building our future community. Let’s agree every child deserves to have access to at least one, stable, positive adult in their life. Let’s agree to make this happen.

Cathy Anthofer-Fialon holds a PhD in human services. She has previously worked in domestic violence victim/survivor advocacy, with the juvenile justice system, and in higher education. She currently dedicates her time to educating others about the lifetime impacts of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) and inspiring resilience.  

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Healing Trauma: One Grocery Store Line at a Time

There’s a women standing in front of me at the grocery store. I can see her fidgeting, shifting her weight back and forth. She glances my way and gives me the “what is taking so long” look as she rolls her eyes. I shrug and smile. She turns back around. I notice she doesn’t have much in her cart.

After the person in front of her is finished, the cashier asks, “How is everything today?” Of course the cashier had no way of knowing what was coming next. This woman begins to unleash a verbal onslaught about everything that is wrong with the way the cashier is doing her job, the way the store is being managed, how she couldn’t find anything she was looking for, and basically how she could fix everything that is wrong in the world.

If this event would have happened a year ago, I would have kept my distance and tried not to engage this person. I would have chalked it up to some sort of mental illness or some issue she was having that didn’t concern me. Essentially, I would have minded my own business. I would have thought, “What is wrong with this lady?” I would have said nothing.

But that was before.

I try to edge up closer. I move from behind my cart to the front of my cart. She is still carrying on.  I catch a glimpse of the cashier who is trying to interject an apology, but isn’t making much ground. “Excuse me. . .” I’m almost yelling but the women stops to take a breath. “It seems like you are having a rough day. What happened?” 

She looks at me quizzically, and then I can see tears welling in her eyes. She’s not yelling any more, but her pain is speaking volumes: “My mother is near the end of her life, and I’m trying to get back to the hospital,” she said.  

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” I say. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No. But thank you for asking,” she says. “My husband passed away last year, we had no children and she is the last of my family.” As she continues talking, the cashier rings her up and before I know it, she is pushing her cart out the door.

As I make my way out to my car, I notice her waiting outside. She stops me. “I am so sorry for yelling. I knew I shouldn’t come to this store, it always makes me upset.”  This makes me smile. “I don’t think it’s the store; sometimes we are all under stress that no one else understands and it makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do.” She reaches out to hug me. “Thank you for understanding.”

You may or may not fully understand what I did that day — or why. You may question whether or not you’d have the balls — or compassion. Some people naturally engage with others; it takes some work for the rest.

How can we possibly heal trauma in line at the grocery store? One interaction at a time.  You really want to make a difference? Say something. Say something with care. Or simply engage.

I shared this story with an acquaintance and she confessed she had a note next to her laptop that reads:

Lady in FF Oct. 15 (Tues.), 2013: “I just wanted to say thank you for making me smile and thank you for reminding me what’s important in life.” All my acquaintance had done was happily engage with a child who did not belong to either woman in line at the store. It can be so simple.

People in pain sometimes act out in aggressive (or passive) ways.  Some have so much trauma that they don’t even know the way they feel isn’t “normal.” They may have been infected for so long that they actually start to feel trapped by their own emotions, which come out in all sorts of ways — most of which make no sense to the waiting judgment of others. 

But you can do something to help them heal. You can remind them that better times are possible. They don’t need judgment; they need compassion and empathy. They need to know someone believes in them and that they are worthy of love.

You might have the chance to do that the next time you’re in line at the store.

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How Grief Goes Unnoticed in Foster Children; and the underlying trauma it can cause

HOW GRIEF GOES UNNOTICED IN FOSTER CHILDREN

And the underlying trauma it can cause

I have attended several funerals during my lifetime. At one, when I was still in high school, I remember watching the mother of a friend throw herself over her son’s casket, unable to contain her emotions.

Those of us who were there sat and stared, stunned, but silent. Eventually, a much older lady with gray wispy hair came running down the aisle, throwing her arms around the women’s shoulders, whispering that it was OK and that she should take a break for a while. She hugged the grieving mother and supported her while they looked for an empty chair.

Later in life, I was at a funeral for a man who had died, and his wife, so upset that she was shouting profanities at his casket, banging on it, asking him why he broke his promise to never leave her. Again, a women came from the back and threw her arms around the distraught woman. This time I couldn’t hear the conversation, but you could tell it was soothing.

In any other public situation, these types of outbursts would be deemed unacceptable. But, at a funeral, when individuals are grieving, it seems we have an unstated rule that any and all behavior is acceptable, and it probably should be.

However, what if you lost a loved one over and over again? What if they presumably died more than once? For some of the children lost in our foster care system, that is exactly the case. They are pulled from their parents, and placed in a presumably safer environment. Some are reunited, only to be pulled again. Others will never see their parents again. How are they allowed to grieve?

If a small girl is pulled from her mother’s home, only to be placed in the safety of strangers, and she attends school later that week, only to throw something at another student or even the teacher, is she grieving or a troublemaker?

Children are often unable, and fail to recognize the underlying cause of their own behaviors, unable to make the leap that their grief and sorrow may be connected. Professionals often dismiss these problems as impulsive behaviors or a symptom of a larger psychological issue. Some foster children are not so social; they do not talk much to other children, and have a difficult time understanding their own feelings and actions.

These children have suffered a tremendous loss — a deep sadness and grief that often goes unrecognized, and often leads to deeper traumas. When we learn to recognize that a child may be grieving, it may be easier to throw our arms around them and tell them everything is going to be OK, instead of issuing a punishment.

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Foster-Care Crisis Begs for Cooperation

 

There are a number of organizations in the United States and around the globe that work for the betterment of foster children, but in most cases they work autonomously.

Although their primary missions are the same (to provide a safe and healthy environment for the children in their care), they lack consistent coordination and interaction with their “sister” institutions.

These organizations work hard to provide children with the best facilities and services, but they are often limited to serving the children located within their immediate physical location. Oftentimes, remote and rural areas can cover large geographic areas, placing unique and difficult demands on agencies. Additionally, those organizations located within higher-populated areas can be faced with even more complex and difficult strains on their services and resources because of higher demand.

Communication and integration between the organizations is essential to alleviate the strain and limited resources within the organizations themselves. Throughout recent history we have many examples of situations where citizens from around the world have come together to provide resources, rescue and aid to nations in distress following natural disasters. When these citizens, working in colaboration for the greater good, have come together with a united plan of attack, they have been able to put aside politcal differences and cut red tape to solve an immediate crisis.  Foster-care organizations must develop ways to set aside individual agendas, cut red tape and work in concert to solve the immediate crisis that surrounds the foster-care system in this county.

One of the ways in which the organizations can attempt to interact with one another and work in a more efficient way is through a nationwide Internet foster-care database. With advancements in communiction technology being made on an unprecedented scale, formerly remote regions are now becoming accessible. More than ever organizations can connect with one another from across the globe in a matter of seconds. A nationwide foster-care database would allow various organizations to share information, ideas and location of children. It could also help link necessary resources with the appropriate child in need regardless of where the child resided at the time.

Organizations would save money, time and resources if, through communication and the sharing of information, they could discontinue duplicate expenditures on aid for children. Care could be streamlined if a particular doctor, teacher or care-worker were able to access and provide information and services for more than one organization in mutiple locations.

When organizations put aside politcal agendas and differences and come together for the greater good to solve a problem, they can work wonders.

In this era of technology when volumes of information are at our fingertips, it would be of great help if the personal details of children in need were maintained in a secure form and shared by the right organizations so they could unite the right services with the appropriate child in need in more effective and efficient ways.

If the organizations would be willing to set aside personal agendas, join hands and cooperate with unified national database, there is no ceiling to what we could accomplish for the betterment of our children.

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